it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
