Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
