I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
