I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
