Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
