wakey wakey hands off snakey
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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