Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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