TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
