the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
