if i can run in heels then i can drive
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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