New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
