I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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