a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
