The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
