Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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