My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
