Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This is classic penis vs brain.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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