Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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