Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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