This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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