I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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