i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
