Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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