I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
