dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
