she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
