Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Can I color on your dick again?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
