That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
