i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
