Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
