I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
