I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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