lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
