Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
