my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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