someone get that fucking seahorse.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
