i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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