u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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