checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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