one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
