so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
