mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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