she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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