I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just invented taco cereal.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
