This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
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It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
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I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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