I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
