Non-Jews are for practice
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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