i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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