I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
