It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
