All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
