He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
