i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
