who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
