In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
