life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
