Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize