actually, I'm a sock model
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
