After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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