Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm so fucking centered right now
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
