hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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