i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
