Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think I sprained my soul last night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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