Moan for me like Helen Keller
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
